we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
