i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
