I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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