Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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