Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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