I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
