i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
