If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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