know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
