I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it's like iHOP with fire
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
