i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Girls should come with a carfax report
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
