We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
