Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
