I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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