Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
