just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
