I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
