party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
