That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
