rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
