The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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