Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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