It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
