That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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