giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
