Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We need to get me chipped asap
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
