There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
