Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
