I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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