i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
