I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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