I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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