You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
