I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
