is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
