I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
