Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Randomize
