worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
