You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
