the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
