I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
