Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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