You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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