My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
