just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
