the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
