sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
