What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
