she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
