i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
