take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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