My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
