Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
