2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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