I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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